I wish someone would write one of those “What to Expect when you’re expecting” for turning 50.

I really wish that someone would write a book on what to expect when you are turning 50 because I think I’m doing it wrong. I don’t feel like I’m fifty. I still feel like I’m in my early forties. Anyone else feel that way? I look at all the latest fashions and think I could definitely rock that. Then my 19-year-old daughter gives me the look. You mothers out there, you know the look. It says everything without uttering a word. It says, oh Mom, how can you be so clueless? You look absolutely stupid in that. I acknowledge the look. I realize I have had an error in judgement and hang my head in shame. Turning back to the dressing room I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and I am shocked to see a middle-aged, slightly overweight woman, with a bit of a double chin looking back at me.

Now, I know some people are perfectly fine with being the age that they are. Not me, I going kicking and screaming because I can’t reconcile who I am on the inside with who I am on the outside. I think, well, if I can lose 20 pounds I’ll feel and look better. Yes, and that would be amazing considering my job is to stare at my computer until words appear on the screen. It doesn’t burn many calories.

Let’s talk about the other elephant in the room, I believe I’m also going through menopause. This is the point in a woman’s life when her emotional state goes from depression to rage, to tears, to screaming at the car in front of you because they are going the speed limit. I’m really glad I don’t own a gun.

Another fun fact of menopause is the weight you gain because your body is not getting estrogen from your ovaries and decides to layer on pounds around your mid-section so the extra fat can provide the estrogen your body needs. Look at most women in their fifties. We all tend to have the same body type. It’s just not fair.

Oh, and while were at it, just exactly what is happening to my hands? Why are my hands turning into these wrinkly old lady hands. People tell me I don’t look my age. What does my age look like? Well I guess we could look at celebrities who are over 50. Sandra Bullock will be turning 50 this year. She certainly doesn’t look like what my mothers decade looked like at 50. Demi Moore, Kate Couric, Christie Brinkley, Dorothy Hamill there actually is quiet a list of celebrities over 50 that look fabulous. Now granted these women have the money to have plastic surgery, so there’s that. But is it is possible for the average woman to continue to look great over 50? I certainly hope so. I’m going to try. But it still comes back to the original question. What is a 50-year-old woman supposed to look and act like? If someone writes the “What to Expect when you’re 50” book let me know. Until then I guess I’ll just have to wing it and if my daughter doesn’t like me dancing around in our living room to “Just get lucky” by Daft punk and singing into a spoon, tough!

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